it's been something like 4 years and a week since i started this journey together with avner. it was a long debate on the "how-to-do" which finally led us here to san diego.
sounds simple? not at all.
the general idea was that we wanted to have kids in the house. for me, it was always there; i always knew that i want to have kids and be a dad. i come from a big family that has always kept close and warm relationships so i did not have a question mark at the end of this idea. how ever, as years flew by, questions did start popping up in my mind about the essence of my desire to have kids.
these questions or actually thoughts revolve around several concepts. the concept of me as a man, part of humanity, a member of society in the 21st century. i found myself in an endless loop, thinking that it would be a bad idea to raise children in the world we have created. the basic theme of nature: the survival of the fittest is on the one hand an amazingly powerful an efficient tool we call evolution while on the other hand, we as mankind consume our planet and it's resources, kill people and nature. the cost of being on the stronger side is tremendous: you have to be born in the right color, on the correct land, with the right name. to be able to buy the right clothes, to have the moral right to kill the bad people on the wrong side, to expel man and animal from their land in order to claim it your own. it seems to me that we could have had things in a different way. while bragging that we are the only species that is self aware, i would expect that the urge to kill and destroy lesser beings would diminish and be reduced, finally replaced by the understanding that working together is a better idea that will serve mankind purposes better. so, yeah. this first concept brings up the question of why bring kids into this world if all they have to do is struggle. struggle for food, for a place in "the right" kindergarten, in the better school, the best university, the land, the money, the rights to feel and think differently, to be loved, to love, to be desired, to consume, to have a greener lawn. why is it a good idea to have children witness evil, wars, television, violence, crime, drugs, killing, death, loss, pollution and so on? just so that they could also witness beauty? love? passion? what are the positives that balance out the so many negatives? generally speaking, i think that not existing in the first place, rules out the need to try and create this balance, while being aware that i might be totally wrong in my desire for balance.
